I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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