I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
