Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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