no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
