Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
