Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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