I don't usually arrange sex via text message
there was a trapeze. enough said
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
