I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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