we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
