Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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