this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
