How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
