Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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