i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
