Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
