I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
