whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
