I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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