He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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