she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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