Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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