it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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