you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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