I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
