once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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