The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
