You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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