i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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