Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
