You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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