so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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