i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
