Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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