At least make sure they are 18
Why
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
