Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
