matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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