trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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