if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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