so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
