they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
