Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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