Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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