her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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