Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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