Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
