I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
