Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
