we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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