apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
