I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
