he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
