Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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