I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
