she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
