i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
