Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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