my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
