Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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